non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
