drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
This show inspires me to have sex in space
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
