Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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