I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
