Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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