If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
