Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
