I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
