I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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