I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
