I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
COCAINE IS GR8
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
