What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
