Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
