What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
