haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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