My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
