youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
