I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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