do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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