took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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