omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just had sex bonerless
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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