Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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