Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
