2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
