her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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