It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
now i know why i became what i already was.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i came on her dog
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
