if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
