I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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