a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
