I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
