I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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