I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
