My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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