he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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