what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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