I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
