If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
