My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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