just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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