Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
