I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
