every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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