can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
