windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
