I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
