vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
