i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
