I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
