i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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