If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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