he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
